Things: An Uncharacteristic Plea for Ice Cream Sanity

Tower of ice cream

This is going to be strange. I am someone who makes desserts and tries to use every possible dessert ingredient in the pantry. My last batch of brownies was titled The Rise and Fall of Western Civilization as Expressed in Brownie Form. (Yes, that’s italicized. That batch was truly a work of art.) I believe that nothing exceeds like excess.

And yet.

Ben & Jerry’s needs to calm the hell down. There is a time to lump ingredients (turn turn turn) and there is a time to just let one thing speak for itself. For example: there is a new line of “Truffles” flavors. It appears to be exclusive to Wal-Mart. At least, that’s the only place I’ve found it locally. (Update since my first draft of this: I found the Milkshake flavor at a Kroger.)

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Iron Man 3 (2013) – 27 Second Review

Iron Man 3 Poster

Written by: Drew Pearce & Shane Black, based on the character created by Stan Lee, Don Heck, Larry Lieber & Jack Kirby and the comic book storyline by Warren Ellis & Adi Granov

Directed by: Shane Black
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Guy Pearce, Ben Kingsley, Jon Favreau and Paul Bettany

Review: Tony Stark. Genius. Billionaire. Superhero. Bit of a dick. And once again, Robert Downey Jr. plays it all out masterfully. Of course, I go to movies for the ‘splode, and that was present in droves as well. If you go more than fifteen minutes in this movie without an explosion, you should make sure you’re in the right theater. And that’s a good thing. It’s also a good thing to finally have a superhero role model who can be an asshole to children.

Time: 22 seconds

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Gun Machine (2013) – Audiobook Review

Gun Machine cover

Written by Warren Ellis
Performed by Reg E. Cathey
Published by Hachette Audio

NYPD detective John Tallow has just seen his partner of twenty years shot by a crazy naked man with a shotgun. Of course, Tallow responses in kind by shooting the crazy man dead. This would have been the incident where Tallow, burdened with years of the violence and brutality of New York, finally shuts down.

However, the naked madman with a shotgun blew a hole into an apartment. When checking to see if anyone is hurt, Tallow discovers an apartment covered in guns. All sorts of guns from flintlocks to Saturday Night Specials, all arranged like pixels in a digital picture. They seem to convey some sort of meaning or purpose but it may be beyond sanity. Even weirder, when a sampling of the guns is tested, all of them are connected to cold cases of unsolved homicides. In other words, Tallow has just reopened over 400 unsolved murder cases and the department is not happy. His “reward” for this discovery is to investigate who did all this. And why would be nice too. So Tallow has to deal with two rather odd CSUs, a department that wouldn’t mind this whole mess sinking into the Hudson, and the killer who is very smart, very talented, and very pissed that someone fucked with his guns.

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Stuff Bulletin: New Lord of the Jungle in the Works

Johnny Weissmuller as Tarzan

  • Wanted to make sure you were aware: Amazon’s Deal of the Day is the Blu-Ray boxed set of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy Extended Editions. Regular price is listed as $119.98–today only it’s 64% off and going for $43.49. Savings of over $75. Not bad for a fifteen disc hi-def set. Snag it here.
  • New Tarzan is coming from Warner Brothers with Alexander Skarsgard at the lead of the pack to play the jungle lord and David Yates, who directed more Harry Potter films than anybody else, is on board to helm. The story involves him being sent to the Congo by Queen Victoria for a mission, accompanied by an ex-mercenary–who might be played by Samuel L. Jackson. I’m sort of amazed that in the wake of John Carter that another Edgar Rice Burroughs film is even happening. Source: Variety.
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    Happy Horny Werewolf Day From Black Phoenix

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    Happy Horny Werewolf Day

    Hey baby, what's your sign?

    When I write about the Lupercalia perfumes from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, I usually write an amusing little missive on the ridiculous and corporate nature of Valentine’s Day. However, I rediscovered this from Uncle Warren and I must bow to the master. Especially if he wants to do something naughty.

    Happy Valentine’s Day to all. And to those who hate the day, I say this: Valentine’s Day is a Christian corruption of a pagan festival involving werewolves, blood and fucking. So wish people a happy Horny Werewolf Day and see what happens.

    He’s selling cards of this sentiment for you to give for that special someone. Fuck Hallmark.

    With that out of the way… on with the scents!

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