Your Weekend Justice #145: Will Somebody Save Somebody?

It’s Weekend Justice: the Internet’s #1 audio trainwreck. It’s the podcast that can go to a Dark Place at the drop of a hat. And not every listener will make it back alive. This is both warning…and promise. This podcast was engineered–some might say over-engineered–by experts to escort you from the work week in the most chaotic manner possible. Please note: this podcast is profane, definitely oversexed and definitely overwrought. It is wrong and unsafe. You have been warned.

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Martha Stewart Coming Home Poncho

Please note–an extra warning for this episode, in which terrible, sick jokes are made about children and taxidermy. In light of this, I would like to issue the following apology in advance:

In my rush to make a joke, I incorrectly identified Boris Karloff’s last film as 1968’s Targets, when as you, of course, well know–it was instead 1971’s The Incredible Invasion, released after his death. My apologies for any confusion or distress this slip-up may cause.


  • Everyone vs. Beck
  • And then…Beckham
  • Stealth hooligans
  • What the hell is this thing, anyway?
  • Ass crack o’clock
  • Something about Jill and her nipple
  • The Matrix spoilers
  • Being a bitch for D&D
  • (more…)

    Ready to Walk Through It, Now Just Searching For the Door

    Katie West

    Recently, photographer, writer, all around interesting person, and friend of the show, Ms. Katie West wrote an article on the impact of The Matrix on the culture and minds of a certain generation: “I CAN ONLY SHOW YOU THE DOOR, YOU’RE THE ONE THAT HAS TO WALK THROUGH IT.

    In this essay, Ms. West laments the lack of inspirational future narratives to be found in our culture these days, saying that, when we see the re-imagining of old promises in film, TV, and so on, we’re seeing a set of promises the like of which we haven’t seen since:

    Unlike all those people in 1969 who have memories of where they were when Neil Armstrong said those famous words, I have no memory of where I was when the first person walked on Mars, or where I was when we achieved warp speed, because it never happened. I only remember where I was when terrible things happened. I know exactly where I was when planes crashed into buildings (in the darkroom at my high school developing pictures), or where I was when a tsunami almost wiped out an entire country I loved (in a bar in Los Angeles meeting people from the internet).

    And the thing is, she’s right.


    Headsup: Regarding Horror, Sci-Fi, Spandex and Skynet

    An ongoing attempt to help you sort through the mountains of new material that people want you to buy. Should you? I’ll try and help sort this out.

    Ultimate Matrix Collection Blu-Ray cover art
    Ghost House Underground DVD cover art

    The Ultimate Matrix Collection takes everything that you would want out of a Matrix set–which is basically everything that you had in previous collections–and smacks it into a Blu-Ray set. Mostly. The three films plus Animatrix are all provided in Blu-Ray and look about like what you would expect these films to like on hi-def: which is to say, awesome. Granted, there is not enough awesome in the world to fix the third film. But I’ll try to keep from harping on that as we move forward. Each film comes with an “in-movie experience” that pops up with extra bits while you’re watching. This is good if you’re not wanting to wade through all thirty-five hours of bonus bits. Each film also comes with a commentary track with critics as well as a separate one with philosophers, with the cast and crew giving a commentary on the first film. Each film also comes with a positively ludicrous amount of behind the scenes bits, some focusing on particular scenes, like the Freeway Sequence or the Upside Down Fight Sequence. There’s also two bonus discs comprising the “Matrix Experience” as well as a bonus disc that has the digital copy of the first film–if you’re into such things. So not counting the digital copy, it’s a six-disc set, of which four are Blu-Ray and the “Experience” discs are vanilla flavored. So should you buy it? Well, it is one of those films that just screams for hi-def, since it is, warts and all, visually stunning. So there is that. And if you wanted, say, just the first film in Blu-Ray form–you’re stuck with getting it this route. There are no plans from Warner Brothers to release the films separately at this time as I understand it. It’s $74.95 on Amazon as I write this, so you’ll have to ultimately decide about the price point. But the set is formidable and fans of the series might want to seriously consider it. (Click here to buy it from Amazon.)


    The Matrix Revolutions (2003) – Movie Review

    The Matrix Revolutions movie poster

    Written & Directed by The Brothers Wachowski
    Starring Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss, Laurence Fishburne, Hugo Weaving, Mary Alice

    My Advice: Rent the DVD when it comes out for the FX, otherwise skip it.

    We’re right where we left off in the last film: Neo (Reeves) is in a coma, Bane (Ian Bliss) has somehow gotten Agent Smith (Weaving) inside of him, Zion is about to get its tits shot off, and Morpheus (Fishburne) is feeling like a dumbass because, seemingly, the Oracle (now played by Alice after the untimely death of Gloria Foster) lied. Now Neo’s lost somewhere between worlds and if he doesn’t get back soon, then the human race is toast.

    Congratulations, Brothers Wachowski! You’ve given us the worst third movie in a series since Superman III. Or, since you’re comic fans, I’ll put it another way: you’ve given us the cinematic equivalent of Secret Wars II. After the completely brilliant setup of the second film, the brothers manage to fumble the ball in a spectacular, tragic way. The first film set up everything, the second debunked the first film and the third film manages to disappoint almost from jump: after a completely pointless opening sequence, the highlight of which is people running upside down and shooting, we’re treated to an endless series of missed opportunities. All of those neat questions you conceived from the enigmas in the second film? None of them are answered. And they’re not even not-answered in that, “Ooh, we’re being mysterious and mystical and cheerily obtuse” way–you know, the one that can be endearing and thought-provoking. No, no. They’re just not addressed. At all. Which is amazing, considering that this film is even “talkier” than the second–the difference being the second film’s dialogue had meat to it. This time around, we’re given nothing but third-rate overwrought “heart felt” garbage, with none of the philosophy or banter that makes the series function.