Thief of Hearts (1984)
Review by HTQ4
Film:
DVD:

Written & Directed by Douglas Day Stewart
Starring Steven Bauer, Barbara Williams, John Getz, David Caruso, Christine Ebersole, and George Wendt

Released by: Paramount.
Rating: R
Region: 1
Anamorphic: Yes.

My Advice: Skip it.

Scott Muller (Bauer) is a thief, and he seems to be a pretty good one. However, his life gets turned upside down when he breaks into the house of Mr. and Mrs. Ray Davis (Getz and Williams, respectively). He seems to get more than he bargained for. Among the items that he has procured is Mrs. Mickey Davis' diary which just happens to tell him not only that she's in a dead-end marriage but also which sexual fantasies she's been having of late. Needless to say, Muller becomes obsessed with her, works his way into her life, and begins helping her to live out a few of those fantasies.

Three words: Early Jerry Bruckheimer. This is a perfect textbook case of bad 80s softcore porn. As that is what we're dealing with here, you really don't worry about things like plot and character development. Unfortunately, that's the kind of stuff I look for in a movie. Call me crazy. I really can't write a review about this movie and talk about how good (or bad) the sexual scenes are...can I? All of the actors spend the entire movie doing their own thing without a care in the world for the little things like listening to each other and telling the story. It is obvious that they are mostly interested in making the most of their own screen time. The really surprising thing is that George Wendt is in this, even though he is wasted. He plays the buddy of the cuckolded husband. Bauer and Williams are the two that the story revolves around, and they do absolutely nothing to bring you into the world of the movie...at all.

The DVD has absolutely nothing to bolster itself in my estimation. Perhaps if we had had a featurette placing this flick in the proper context ("Come on, it was the 80s--softcore sold, man!") then more could have been forgiven. I find that even when a commentary is out of the question, either by the unwillingness of the parties to participate or by the studio not wanting to put the resources behind it to get it made, a fifteen-minute featurette can do wonders when besides that you've just got scene selection as a feature. But alas, nothing.

Based on no features, a shabby story and subpar acting, there's no real reason to pick this up, even as a freebie.