Kaiju Big Battel: Terebi Sento (2003)
Film:
DVD:

Starring Louden Noxious, Referee Jingi, Dino Kang Jr., Dr. Cube, Uchu Chu

Features:

• Four fightos with commentary from Noxious, Jingi and Kang
  
• Trailers
  
• Character profiles
  
• Introduction to Kaiju
  

Released by Redline Entertainment
Rating: NR (foam violence)
Region: 1
Anamorphic: N/A; appears in its original 1.33:1 format.

My Advice: If you're sick like us, you must own.

For millennia, Kaiju have existed in many forms. Beasts of enormous size, capable of destroying entire cities and making the Devlin/Emmerich Godzilla look like the pantywaist it actually is. Their battles cause destruction on a nigh-Biblical scale, having often been blamed on natural occurences. Tunguska, for example, long blamed on some kind of impact with an space-borne object, was in fact, a Kaiju arm-wrestling grudge match that got a bit out of control.

The only thing standing between mankind and all of ending up not unlike some used gum stuck to the foot of one of these gigantic creatures are the Kaiju Heroes and the Kaiju Regulatory Commission. The KRC has tried to keep Kaiju mayhem under control, though the evil, insidious Dr. Cube has attempted to thwart them at every turn. In an attempt to get Kaiju to work off steam, the event known as Kaiju Big Battel was unveiled--so that the monsters could battle each other under controlled circumstances and not in the streets of Tokyo. Or Cleveland. The Kaiju really don't discriminate.

Thus sets the stage for the first DVD release of Studio Kaiju, dedicated to covering the Big Battel events as the sports frenzies that they are. Included are four separate fightos. The first is the final answer to the question: soup or sandwich? This is a grudge match between Kung Fu Chicken Noodle and Club Sandwich. Yes, that's right: a giant-sized sandwich with legs wrestling an equally large can of soup...with legs.

Next up: Los Plantanos vs. Team Space Bug in a battle erupting from the awards ceremony for the Golden Banana Tag Team Award in which Team Space Bug take out their frustrations on Dino Kang Jr.--with bloody results. Third fighto is a three-way battle between Dusto Bunny, American Beetle and Mung Wun in which a bizarre interruption takes place, throwing the entire match into disarray. Finally, the Kaiju Championship title match between Uchu Chu and Dr. Cube, which becomes a complete free-for-all and brings one of Kaiju's greatest heroes back to the fore.

Okay. This shit is hilarious. Few things in this world are funnier than guys dressed up as giant monsters and wrestling. I mean, let's face it: if you're going to have something out of control and ludicrious as wrestling then you get both great comedy (watching Club Sandwich trying to get into the ring) and amazement (how in the hell do you do some of those moves while wearing those things?). And make no mistake, it's not all fun and games. At one point in the championship, a metal ladder is brought into the ring. They're leaping off the ring and the ropes and you've got to have some serious athleticism to pull that crap off.

The entire shmeal is hosted by Noxious, Jingi (Kaiju referee) and Dino Kang Jr.--the latter whose commentary consists of ear-splitting Godzilla-esque shrieks. When each fighto begins, characters' stats come up on the screen. Some of the video bits in these are hilarious, like Club Sandwich bludgeoning some random guy on a sidewalk, or one of Los Plantanos smacking the shit out of a truck with a sledgehammer. In between fightos you also get commercials as well, like for meat from a former Kaiju character. No, I'm being serious.

As for bonuses, you get trailers for other major Battel events, Kaiju character profiles, and an explanation of the Kaiju back story. If there's a downside to this release, it's that you leave it wanting more. Especially once you've seen the trailers. One involves a cage match with Kung Fu Chicken Noodle springing a leak, and even more crazed acrobatics with people leaping around all over the damn place. More, please--and soon.

Basically, if you're a sick, twisted whackjob like all of us here, you'll laugh so hard you'll probably hurt yourself. I can only pray these people take it on the road soon. In the meantime, rent it to start with, then own the sucker. It's just brilliant.