Deadly Species (2002)
Review by Dindrane
Film:
DVD:

Written by Rory Penland and Bill Suchy
Directed by Daniel Springen
StarringPete Penuel, Allison Adams, Brian Minyard, Britt George, Jenny Coyle, and Heather Petrone

Features:

• Photo Gallery
  
• Trailer
  

Dindrane's Horror Movie Warnings:

• Eternally Clean Shirt
• Worst Fake Archeological Dig EVER
• Grad student halter top
• Glazed pottery

Released by: Artisan
Region: 1
Rating: NR
Anamorphic: Full-frame only.

My Advice: Mock it. From a safe distance.

There are those of us who glory in cheesy horror movies, those of us who thrill at the rubbery octopus tentacles or who love to see the closing of a cardboard coffin. And yet, once in a while, there comes along a horror movie so lame, so badly acted, just so listless that even we diehards must draw a line in the sand and shout "no more!"

There are certain things that every horror movie should have: some kind of villain, some kind of victim who is at least trying to evince fear, and some kind of resolution. (Note that, like pornography, one doesn’t really demand much plot, though when a horror film does have a plot, that’s an amazing and welcome bonus.) That doesn’t seem a lot to ask, does it? And yet Deadly Species barely manages to accomplish even these modest goals.

The villain is not in any sense evil, just...apparently quite stupid. The idea is that he is protecting some kind of sacred ground, but we’re never clear on how precisely. He’s some kind of intentionally evolved meta-human, designed to protect the native sacred ground and also to serve as a test for would-be shamans who visit this "spirit world"...which is really just another part of the real world that you get to by crawling under some tree roots. Kind of like in Star Wars when Luke faced the Darth Vader with Luke’s own face. Only less creative and spiritual and...well, very uncool. Oh, and we also have the typical (or do I mean "cliché"?) big game hunter bad guy. BOO, HISS!

Secondly, the people who are marked to die at the hands of this sacred warrior thingy are basically guilty of being bad actors, as the archeological site is probably the most pathetic thing I’ve ever seen. Fifth-graders would be more academically worthwhile. There are of course some shots of boobs and boyfriend-stealing, but really...shouldn’t the wronged woman get to kill the transgressors? The rest of them are just too bored to act scared, even when they’re screaming. "Argh. Ack. Oh dear. Um...Eek?" There is no tension here, no fear...you can’t even be glad when they die, because you just don’t care enough to even hate the heroes. On top of all that, there's no real resolution to the film at all.

In short, God help you if you want to watch this movie, but maybe, just maybe, there’s enough here to do an MST3K for it. Probably though, I expect even Tom Servo couldn’t make this one anything other than blah. But hope springs eternal.