1-900 (1994)
Film:
DVD:

Directed by Theo van Gogh
Written by Johan Doesburg, Marcel Otten, Ariane Schluter, Ad van Kempen, based on the play by Doesburg
Starring Ad van Kempen & Ariane Schluter

Features:

• Filmographies
  
• Production credits
  

Anamorphic: No.

My Advice: Burn it.

Thomas (van Kempen) calls into a sex-line that lets men and women hook up. He goes through a couple of recordings of women talking about themselves until he reaches the information on Sarah (Schluter). Intrigued, he leaves a message and eventually hears back from her. The two fall into a routine--Sarah calls every Thursday, they talk, they have a little fun, they do a mutual phone wank. It seems to work for a while, but the game never can stay simple, can it?

With that last sentence, I have instilled far more into your mind about this film than is actually there. That sentence would imply something almost sinister--some kind of stalking thriller or whatnot. I wish I could say that your inference is correct, because that would be a lot more interesting than what this film actually is. It's pretty much what I've said: they call, they talk, they fight a little, they wank. They try some very unsavory things which I won't go into details about here. Nothing graphic, mind you, or even offensive to people who are into such things--like Sarah going to the restroom while still on the phone--just not my cup of tea.

There are glimpses of subplots that never come to fruition, that tease you into thinking that maybe--just maybe--something interesting is about to happen. Or the film is about to become in the least bit complex. But if you were thinking that, you'd be fooled like I was. Nothing happens. It's a series of vignettes about phone sex that I guess somebody thought would be interesting, but alas, they were hopelessly wrong--phone sex has never been this unsexy before.

There are no features to speak of on the disc, just the textual stuff I've got listed up top, so it does nothing to defend its contents. If your idea of a good time is watching something that felt like it started off as a bad one-act play (although I've never seen or read the source material, notice I said felt) then this is right up your alley. But everyone else should stay away. Far away.