The onslaught of limited edition flavors of things never ceases to amuse me. Of course, because I am a sucker for all things limited edition (due to an intense and terminal case of FOMO), I have to try all of them I can. And with Pringles, the reaction has been on a scale from Jamaican Jerk (pretty good but nothing to write home about) to White Chocolate (basically a war crime). Because we are in the Thanksgiving/2nd Halloween season, they’ve now put out a Limited Edition Roasted Turkey flavor.
(aka SpongeBob SquarePants: The Musical)
Touring Company Performance at the Von Braun Center, Huntsville, AL – 1 Nov 2019
I have never seen an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants. I’m sure many of you are gasping at your screen and calling for an oxygen mask. But hey, there’s a lot to watch these days. Anyway. When I heard that there was an impending Broadway musical based on the cartoon, I was not surprised. The Law of Relative Development was long ago updated to include the fact that everything will one day be a musical, in addition to being a movie, a TV series, a breakfast cereal (and so on and so on). And it’s become clear that not everything is going to be a Lion King and transition to the stage in spectacular fashion.
So Krispy Kreme have gotten into the spirit of the season by offering up three decorated Monster Doughnuts. They spell it “Doughnuts,” I usually spell it “Donuts,” let’s call the whole thing off. Anyway, I felt compelled to due my Halloween duties and try them out. And if you think I used this as an excuse to buy Krispy Kremes, well…you’re not wrong.
Don’t be worried that they’ve gone and done something outlandish. Two of them are easily recognizable. The orange one, “Hypno-Henry, The Cake Batter Monster,” is basically a decorated doughnut filled with their cake batter filling (which they’ve offered before). The mummy is “Mumford, the Mummy Monster,” which is basically a regular glazed donut with some decoration on it. All three Monster Doughnuts have eyes (and in some cases mouths) made of pure solid sugar. This is for those of you who feel like eating a Krispy Kreme doughnut isn’t blood sugar level destroying enough. So business as usual thus far, but…it’s the third one that bears some explanation.
Performance at The Tabernacle, Atlanta, 4 Oct 2019
Thespia brought Craig Ferguson to my attention via his Late Late Show and I quickly realized that this guy was batshit insane. If you’ve been around here for any length of time, you know that I have a great deal of respect for batshit insane people. Especially those that take something like a late night talk show and subvert it for their own amusement. Which, if they’re amused doing it, generally, it becomes infectious and next thing you know you’re laughing your arse off because a panto horse become a recurring character, or a robot skeleton sidekick has been invented.
Back in my younger days, somewhere around 1891 or so, there were a number of classic soft drinks that were near and dear to my heart. There was Surge, the thinking man’s Mello Yello, which has returned and doesn’t appear to be going anywhere. There was also the guarana-laced Josta, the best thing Pepsi ever created, which has yet to return. And there was Jolt Cola, much beloved among anyone who craved some liquid sleep and needed something to wash down the last pot of coffee.
If you’re thinking that this drink is terrifying, well…you’re not wrong. (I’ve provided a backlit photo below so you can truly enjoy the blue-ness of this monstrosity.) Obviously this limited edition is geared towards July 4th here in the US, and well, “50 Flavors in One” is a very American sentiment either way you look at it.
Ideally, it could be 50 Flavors as in “look at what happens when you blend a bunch of stuff together like the melting pot experiment that this country is supposed to be!” Or, and more realistically, it could be 50 Flavors as in “look at what happens when you put 47 more flavors into a drink than is reasonable!” These are both truly American sentiments.
First thing upon opening the cap…not a lot of fizz. It could just be my bottle, though. What probably wasn’t just my bottle is the fact that it smells exactly like it looks. I’m not sure how to describe it except that, yes, it smells very…blue. Not blue as in “the classic music of the likes of Muddy Waters and Robert Johnson” but blue as in “this is in no way natural and it looks a bit like the blood of an alien.” It freaking smells that way. Just…blue. All the sugary drinks in childhood that you loved, this is what would cause those beloved drinks to wake up in the middle of the night screaming. That’s the smell I’m talking about.
As for taste, it tastes blue as well…and not even some cheery sort of cheeky kind of blue raspberry taste. It tastes blue like someone played some horrific taste-based version of “Telephone” with about sixteen people and this is what came out the other side when what you started with was blue raspberry. 50 Flavors? I guess I assumed those would be 50 different flavors, but it wasn’t. It was just…the taste of blue. The taste of blue with several tablespoons of sugar mixed into it.
Oddly, after this vicious assault on the tastebuds, it fades into the background, as though nothing happened. But you can tell something happened. There is the ghost of an aftertaste, like your tongue suddenly developed PTSD. And by that I mean, you’ll think the taste is gone and then it will surge forward again to freak you out, like your tongue is Tim Robbins in Jacob’s Ladder.