4G on the Moon! (Briefly)

So here’s the Wired article “Nokia Put a 4G Cellular Network on the Moon but Couldn’t Make a Phone Call.” I’m sure your first thought upon perusing that headline was similar to mine: “That must be [insert your cell carrier company here]. Sounds like them.” I won’t tell you mine because that would be indiscreet. AT&T. Anyway, some thoughts.

1. At least they aren’t using Bluetooth. I know there aren’t any on the Moon, but never make something mission critical that can be knocked out of action with someone heating tater tots in a microwave oven. Bluetooth will be awesome once it gets figured out.
2. Before they revealed what happened, I thought it must be pretty dire: all the Nokias I’ve ever used would still be usable even after being fired from a railgun.
3. No, turns out the lander came down on its side and as a result the solar panels couldn’t recharge it. I’m not sure if you’ve seen this: but there was a TV movie/pilot called Salvage that starred Andy Griffith. He played a guy who wanted to go to the Moon to retrieve all the “junk” left there by the Apollo missions, bring it back to Earth and sell it all. You could remake that today where Griffith’s character creates a company that will go to the Moon and just right your badly-landed lander for you. For a reasonable fee, of course.
4. Nokia says it “delivered the first cellular network to the Moon.” Fair enough. It only worked for 25 minutes, but it was up and running. On the Moon.
5. They’re going to add the 4G LTE communications into the Axiom suits (to be used for the Artemis III mission). “The microphones in the suit will be voice activated,” the article says. Unless they put a spacesuit equivalent of “Hey Siri” in there, it sounds like a goddamn nightmare. I’m sure everyone’s had a problem with a voice-activated mic coming to life because you were using your voice…just not for whatever the mic is there for.