Black Phoenix Halloween 2016

Widge and his emotional support animal
Widge and his emotional support animal

After every Halloween, we here at Needcoffee have a ritual. It’s called the Post-Halloween Crash. Yes, the aftereffects of zombies, pumpkin spice everything, and way too much chocolate can lead to one hell of a November hangover. It’s really hard on Widgett. You think the wailing of a child being made to leave a playground is pitiful. You have never heard our Dear Leader screaming to the heavens “Why?! Why is it over!? Why have you forsaken me, O Flying Spaghetti Monster?!” Every damn year.

One method we use to bring Widge back to his senses is the Halloween scents from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab. It’s like smelling salts for the spooky set. Let us describe the fragrances that will help all of us, especially Widge, bid adieu to our Samhain ennui.

We of course have our traditional holiday perfumes, like Samhain, which blends the autumn treats of pumpkin, apples, and spices to enliven them with the damp woods and fir needles of the forest primeval where nature holds sway. There is also Devil’s Night where instead of contemplating the timelessness of nature, you celebrate the instant gratification of burning shit to the ground. You get the scent of a Molotov cocktail with smoke and alcohol along with the musk of the mob and sugared sweets for the kids. You also have perfumes based on poetry that evoked the themes of the season like The Unquiet Grave where a voice from the grave tells us to stop obsessing over the dead and enjoy the sunshine while it lasts. The scent shows the true, cold nature of the dead and bloodless beloved with frozen white roses, white gardenia, white sandalwood, and vanilla orchid. The perfume, September Midnight, like the poem, contemplates the relief autumn gives from the summer heat but knows that winter is coming with its golden amber chypre sliding darker with myrrh and the pomegranate, for when you need to get away from your overbearing mom.

Of course, Halloween without something sweet is just… wrong. Like Lovecraft naughty tentacle wrong. Of course, the Great Pumpkin has used his influence to get pumpkin everywhere, so we have Pumpkin Latte with its espresso, pumpkin syrup, smoky vanilla bean, milk, raw sugar, and a dash of cinnamon and nutmeg. I think there’s a little caffeine too, because sniffing it does give you a bit of a kick. There’s even a scent called Pumpkin Sugar. Not to be outdone, apples also feature–and not the lame ones you get instead of candy during trick or treating. You got Caramel Apple Cookie… and it smells as delicious as it sounds. You got sugar cookies with cinnamon, apple chunks, all drizzled heavily with caramel. For something sweet that you need ID for, there’s Spiced Autumn Cider. A mix of: apple cider and red wine with maple syrup for sweetness, ginger, clove; cinnamon for spice; apple and tangerine slices for tartness; and black peppercorns for a tingle in your mouth.

The past is creepy

The past is creepy

I could go on and on about the Dead Leaves collection which mixes scents like lavender buds or sugared cardamom with the nostalgic scents of a pile of dry leaves. I assume the smell is dry leaves… I live in Florida, so I honestly don’t have a clue. Then there are the assuming ‘Single Notes’ of the season such as Hag Musk or Fake Specimen Jar (which is a lot more pleasant than the name suggests). You can revel in the romance of the grave when the dead rise for a taste of life and love with the All Souls range based on the poem by writer Edith Wharton. But you only have a few short weeks to order at Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab before these are retired to their final repose because of Mr. Ho Ho Ho. Also, Widge may have chewed through the restraints and is currently ransacking the Institute for candy corn. Excuse me.

[Widge’s Note: Nothing is over until we decide it is.]

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