Stuff You Need to Know: That? That’s the Sound of Princess Lolly Weeping.

It’s a constant battle trying to keep up with pop culture news. We know. And if you’re trying to maintain the semblance of a life, we can see where that could get complicated. So never fear: we try to compact all the stuff you absolutely need to know into one post that you can read in one sitting–and then get on with your day. You’re welcome.

Candy Land the movie. Adam Sandler is at least on board to produce and co-scribe. Let me quote you what Hasbro prexy-CEO Brian Goldner had to say: “The creative talent onboard for this movie is amazing, and we are excited to bring alive the world of Candy Land for kids and families everywhere. Sony/Columbia has been a wonderful creative partner as we develop another of our games, Risk, for the bigscreen. We are looking forward to working with Sony/Columbia and Adam Sandler and his team at Happy Madison Prods. on this film.” That’s right, Brian. Be proud to bring the man behind Jack & Jill behind one of your supposed flagship titles. Source: Variety.

Also, Amazon has a section up for 2012 laptops. If you’re thinking of snagging one, doing so through us would be a nice kickback. I’m just saying.

Absolutely Anything will star the voices of the surviving members of Monty Python, with Robin Williams voicing a talking dog. Terry Jones will direct the story of a group of aliens (the Pythons) who grant a human the ability to do “absolutely anything” just to cause chaos. Yeah, I’d buy a ticket today if they were available. Source: Variety.

By the way, it’s not enough that they’re using real active duty Navy SEALs for Act of Valor, they’re using real bullets. WTF, man…

Direct link for the feedreaders.

You can see that madness on 2/24.

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Before Watchmen. io9 wraps it up cleaner than we could. Worth reading just to get at Alan Moore‘s quote towards the end. So very, very true.

Holy shit, folks. Joe Carnahan (The Grey, A-Team) is remaking Death Wish. We could have Liam Neeson starring in Death Wish. Holy shit, folks. Source.

The Double will mark IT Crowd‘s (and Submarine director) Richard Ayoade’s second film and Jesse Eisenberg and Mia Wasikowska are both on board. It’s based on the Dostoyevsky novella. It shoots later this year. Source.

So we were just talking about Downton Abbey in the latest Weekend Justice (goes up Friday)…and more evidence of the fact that it’s seen as a money maker for everybody involved: Shirley MacLaine is joining the cast for the third season. It kicks off production next month. She’ll be playing Lady Grantham’s mother. Source: Variety.

Frank or Francis is a new Charlie Kaufman film that’s a musical comedy. Which stars Elizabeth Banks, Jack Black, Nicolas Cage, Steve Carell, Kevin Kline and Paul Reubens. Damn. The Variety article also mentions that a Pee-Wee Herman is in development at Universal with Judd Apatow on board to produce.

God Bless America is from Bobcat Goldthwait and looks both wrong and hilarious. This is a red band trailer, so if that bothers you then, you know, don’t watch it.

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Willem Dafoe looking like a badass with a rifle. Sometimes, I’m pretty easy to please. I’m in.

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The Hunter hits cinemas stateside 4/6.

Juan of the Dead‘s been picked up and it’s coming later this year. No theatrical release date, it seems. I’m thinking very limited and then home video. Whatever, man, just bring it. Source.

Okay, yes. Lockout looks positively ludicrous. It looks like the lost Snake Plissken film. But at one minute, twenty-five seconds, I promise you: it will all become clear.

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We have the trailer for Safe, in which we get to see three things worth mentioning. One: Jason Statham, concerned that Liam Neeson might be taking a bite out of his badassery. Two: Chris Sarandon as a heavy. Nice. Three: James Hong, bitches.

Direct link for the feedreaders.

Safe hits stateside April 27th.

P.S. That being said, how long until we get Neeson and Statham in a film together? I’m thinking next year, 2014 at the latest.

Nice: a production of The Sunshine Boys is hitting the West End starring Richard Griffiths and Danny DeVito. It’s doing twelve weeks starting at the end of April. It could hit Broadway once it gets done in London. Source: Variety.

TwoMorrows is having a 40% off Valentine’s Day sale now through February 14th on all their Companion books. Yes, the ones we go on and on about all the time. If you are a Serious Comic Geek or know one, check them out.

Home Video

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You can pre-order copies of these for yourself by clicking on the media type if nothing else. When you do so, you help pay for Need Coffee’s server costs. Thanks!

Doctor Who releases coming 2/14: the Matt Smith 2011 Xmas special (both Blu-Ray and DVD) and classic series releases The Sensorites and The Caves of Androzani: Special Edition.

Hugo hits video on February 28th. It’s coming in a DVD, Blu-Ray, 3D Blu-Ray combo. Knowing the level of dedication that Scorsese had for the 3D in the film and the fact it was the best live action 3D film in 2011, I would say if you have the tech for it–or even if you’ll have it at some point–the 3D version is only $6 more. They do, it’s worth noting, continue to market it shabbily…right now it looks like a happy-ass kids movie, when it’s anything but. Sad.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail will hit Blu-Ray on 3/6 with new bonus bits. And right now the damn thing’s just $13 on Amazon. So.

Top Gear Series 17 hits both Blu-Ray and DVD on 2/28.

Stuff You Need to Know: That? That’s the Sound of Princess Lolly Weeping.

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