The press corps of the Glorious Revolution is pleased to announce the results of our first Resistance Training Camp, designed to enable all non-hominids to resist and escape their captors so that they may fight another day. Resistance Training Camp was created because the Revolution honors the human Geneva Convention, which stipulates that all prisoners of war “must attempt escape.” And of course any animal being held against his or her will is, by definition, a POW.
Panda Agent Wen Li was moments from absolute freedom when her captors regained control of her sovereign person. However, given the tender age of the Agent and the experienced wiliness of her captors, Revolution officials consider the test a rousing success. Had this been an actual escape attempt and not merely a drill with the pandas, in a show of mercy, instructed to sheathe their mighty claws, Wen Li and her backup would have been munching bamboo in Heilongjiang by teatime.
Hammerhead and Great White drill instructors from the camp had this to say: “Just wait until the skunks get to go through our training regimen; they have some special surprises up their… sleeves.”