Needcoffee labs, hot on the trail of more powerful and purchasable products from your past ready for those of the pre-adult persuasion brings you this week’s smattering of feature films designed to enlighten and expand young horizons and hopefully save the world from looking like this in a couple hundred years:
Horrifying isn’t it? Remember the guy from your high school that sold you your Big Gulp last night? He may have seven children at this point, and thus evolution is deeming him more fit than you. Keep that in mind. Anyway, this week, to make your kids cooler we’ve tried to include a smattering of movies that enlighten, entertain and inspire, so let’s start shall we?
The Land Before Time.
Nope, there wasn’t a sequel, they just made the one (right? right??!?), and it was wonderful. It was a movie that taught children that sometimes life isn’t fair, that sometimes bad things happen, and that the world can be a scary and dangerous place. But it also taught children about the enduring power of love to strengthen and guide you beyond anything else in this world, and how if you put your trust in others, you can accomplish pretty much anything. Any bright and shiny sequels betraying the originals depth of plot, art and scope are merely figments of a deranged imagination. Snag it at Amazon, and bawl more than you did when you were four.
The Last Unicorn.
Speaking of beautiful, heart wrenching movies, The Last Unicorn is so full of wonderful story, amazing songs by America, and a voice cast straight out of your dreams central casting: Mia Farrow, Jeff Bridges, Alan Arkin, the incomparable Angela Lansbury and the one and only Sir Christopher Lee. The story’s amazing if you’re an adult or a child and the music by America is sure to be stuck in your head. A little nightmarish for the young ones; so maybe wait till they’re about six or seven before putting this one in. (You can snag it here at Amazon.) Of course while you’re waiting there’s alwaysâ€¦
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie.
Who doesn’t like ninjas, wisecracking turtles, and pizza? No one. By far the best out of the three original movies (though admittedly, we all get a kick out of Secret of the Ooze). The karate and pizza jokes should keep the kids distracted enough to not notice the sweet delicious eighties-ness of it. Also please refrain from reciting lines lest your kids think you quite lame. If you have worn out your free Pizza Hut VHS feel free to snag the whole trilogy plus the latest film on either DVD or Blu-Ray at Amazon, quite the steal actually. Especially when you consider the Blu-Ray comes in, you guessed it: a pizza box.
For those of us that remember having our dad shell out for the Disney Channel as a pay channel, we can also remember sometime in July begging to stay up late and watch this miraculous piece of Henson. There is a reason why Jennifer Connelly was our movie girlfriend for so long. Expanding your children’s horizons on following their dreams while simultaneously warning them not to wish their baby brother would get taken away by goblins, this movie will have your kids dancing the magic dance in ten seconds flat. (Please note: Needcoffee.com staff bears no responsibility for any problems or awkward moments that arise involving David Bowie and tights.)
Star Wars: IV, V, VI, I, II, III.
Well, you knew this had to be on here, didn’t you? There will come an important time in all our lives when we must decide something that will steer the fate of our children: when to show them Star Wars, and in what order? (The correct one is above, thank you very much. Don’t spoil surprises, or expectations of quality.) No matter what you think of Star Wars it is probably the single most influential movie of the twentieth century, and showing it to your children is the least you can do. Snag the two disc limited editions with non-special edition original trilogies while you can. Now dance to the yub nub song for a bit. No, seriously, it’s cool: nobody’s watching. Go ahead.
Next time on NostalgiAwesome! we’ll be taking on our first installment of NostalgiAwesome books! Don’t miss it! The future depends on it! Tell your friends!