There are some wonderful things in the world. Lots of them, in fact. And when they get together, generally, it’s cause for celebration. That’s why I feel helplessly drawn to anything that uses both “coffee” and “energy beverage” to describe itself. Hence, when I saw Full Throttle had a new Coffee line of drinks, I was all over it. I snagged a sample of all three flavors: dulce de leche/caramel, mocha and vanilla. In theory, it should be a match made in heaven. Skim milk, so it’s not too fattening (we don’t want to think about this too much–bear in mind I drank all three of these damn things). Real sugar. All three come with ginseng, guarana extract, and 200% of your RDA for both B6 and niacin.
So what’s the result? Odd. First, they’re incredibly sweet tasting. To the point where you keep checking: this is sugar, right? Then you lay down on top of that the respective flavoring for the three variations and that is the second taste you’re hit with. And those two things are overwhelming to the point where I honestly couldn’t tell you if the coffee bit was any good or not. It’s like the coffee is an afterthought.
[ad#longpost]Now, to be fair: I’m drinking a coffee drink prepared by the Coca-Cola Company, so complaining that it’s a lot like a full-on soft drink is about fifty percent silly. But I’m going to do it anyway. I have no idea why they taste so sweet–in comparison to some other random energy drinks I pulled out of my review queue, these and their 48g of sugars seem positively low to normal. So no idea. Perhaps it’s my expectation of coffee and what I think coffee should have as far as its sugar and cream levels go. Because when I first started drinking coffee, I drank it like the Beastie Boys: “I like my sugar with coffee and cream.” Now, age has taken its toll and I’ve switched to less additives.
That being said–partial sidebar here: I would recommend that Full Throttle put out a straight up black coffee version. Full Throttle Coffee Straight Up, or whatever the hell you want to call it. Indeed, I wish all coffee drink providers would do this: some of us are trying to cut back on our sugar intake. Give us some revved up black coffee in a can already.
These were not the most pleasant coffee drinks I’ve ever had, to be sure. Granted, I was able to finish each and every one of them–but still. I’m a completist. The buzz pickup on these things was about normal, so I’m not sure what the draw would be. While I would be fine with grabbing one of these in a pinch, I wouldn’t purposely seek one out. I suppose these are perfect for people who actually don’t like coffee, much like most of us have to drown our salad in dressing in order to be able to eat it.
Interesting. I always thought “coffee drinks” were too different, too much like whatever else they were than the coffee part.
If I happen upon these, I may try them, but I won’t seek them out.
Forgive me if I missed it. Do you have a top ten of energy drinks? I like the reviews so I would be curious to see which one you felt worked the best.
Also, just out of curiosity, is writer Alan Moore the Sith Lord version of Stephen Fry?
Steve: Actually, no, we don’t have one…I think when we get a few more of these done I will look into that.
As to Darth Alan, I don’t know about that…but wouldn’t you like to see him on QI?
Widge,
Ah, good. I thought I gave the archive a good round before asking. Thanks for the heads up.
And any excuse for more people on QI is always a good thing. :)