Okay, here’s the deal. Dentyne and Needcoffee have joined forces to bring you a contest for Valentine’s Day. And not because blasting your date with coffee breath is a bad idea on Valentine’s Day or any day for that matter–although that’s certainly valid.
No, Dentyne wants you to “Make Face Time” with your family and friends. And this seems genuine. They’re not trying to make you feel good about not getting a date. Although maybe if you forgot to freshen your breath with Dentyne last year after you had your coffee…maybe that’s why you struck out this year. We don’t know. We’re not here to judge. Well. Mostly.
[ad#longpost]Where were we? Oh yes. There are alternatives to going out with somebody in a romantic way–and Dentyne wants you to send yours in to us. We will select from your best ideas for alternatives to a romantic evening. And because we are Needcoffee and highly caffeinated, I would encourage you to think way outside the box. Entertain us with your suggestions and you might be rewarded.
Rewarded with what, you might well ask. And you would be right to ask. The answer: the one who entertains us the most gets a $350 gift card to Patagonia. Nice. And runners-up might receive some other goody packs as well. Might. Again, you must entertain and enlighten us with your ideas.
This contest will run for one week only. That’s it. Seven days. And as always, you can send in one entry per day. A day, in case you were wondering, is counted as midnight Eastern Standard Time to the next midnight Eastern Standard Time. This is to keep you from filling our inbox with 253 entries at a clip. And to give you time to put some skull sweat into this–because, truly, we want to be entertained.
Entries can be in any format. If you want to record something and stick it on YouTube, great. Send us a link. If you want to take a picture, great. Send us a link. We’re easy. If you want to submit it in a comment, great. If you think your idea is so fantastic that you want to keep it classified and for our eyes only, great–send it to widgett at need coffee dot com. Subject line should be DENTYNE. Got it? Good.
Start your engines, folks.
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Needcoffee salutes you, Mr. Garlic and Anchovies Caricaturist at the Mall (‘mr garlic and anchovies caricaturist at the maaall… need to take a deep breath — ohhhh, noooo…!!)
While you DO give good “FACE TIME” (‘some kids still call you “scawy clown”…ooo-ooo’)
People have learned to look for you BEFORE snack-time (‘your reputation wafts before yooou…’)
Because whatever it is you keep in that lunch box (‘we reeeally don’t want to know!!!’)
It SHOULD be declared a Hazardous Materials Cleanup site (‘your breath could gag a maggot…’)
And yes, you ARE quite talented in a weirdly distorted way (‘what happened to myyyy chin…’)
But haven’t you ever wondered why, after lunch (‘no sense of smell at aaaalllll…’)
The color crayon you use the most of, is green?? (‘you’re killin’ us out here…!!’)
Needcoffee. Celebrating MORE THAN 10 years of insomnia…
(THIS is NOT an ENTRY)…
In all honesty, I couldn’t tell you whether I’m somehow ‘duplicating’ an existing “work” or *(as intended) simply extending THEIR concept in OUR direction… Nothing rang any “deja vu`” reverb (like the big bells they used in “Tubular Bells”) when I read through it just before submitting, but I WAS running late and basically figured “wth” and spilled it down the chute w/o running umpteen legal tests on it… So. Tomorrow is another day — wait, we’re there already. One more shot left in ye olde quiver, if I’m counting right??
(THIS is NOT an ENTRY either…)
$%@#!!… I’ll leave it up to you, but when I went out to another site with a compilation of RAH/RMOG commercials (at http://thefuntimesguide.com/2004/10/bud_light_real.php/ if you’re interested) and went down through THEIR list of 109 mp3s I DID find one having left its mark in the same vein ~I~ was trying to sample… Even worse, I was seriously conservative in comparison — makes me feel almost “Republican”… I’m so ashamed!
(FWIW: a comment ‘over there’ posted Thanksgiving Day 2008 indicates an “official” count of more than 740 ads at that time, many of which will NEVER be broadcast due to FCC restrictions)
http://thefuntimesguide.com/audio/Bud_Light_Real_Men_of_Genius_Mr_Really_Stinky_Breath_Breather_Outer.mp3
Feel free to delete yesterday’s last-minute entry if that seems appropriate, otherwise maybe skim the ‘cream’ off of THIS comment and throw the rest of THIS one away, eh? Or not. Whatever. I’ll lose sleep either way, so WTH.
Alternative to a romantic evening, huh? Well, that means to basically turn back into a kid, so what better place to do that than a playground? Now, please remember that you’re an adult and you don’t bounce as much as a kid anymore. Adults ‘thud.’
First on the agenda is the swing. Go swing, swing, swing, but don’t jump. Adults don’t do airborne well. Don’t go sideways. You’ll ‘thud’ against the poles. It’ll hurt.
Next, check out the merry-go-round. Fun if you’re on it and watching someone run and push. Not so fun if you’re old and running and pushing. Hilarious if you watch the runner/pusher trying to jump on and they helicopter away.
Avoid the monkey bars.
Lastly, do the slide! The bigger, the better! Learn from past mistakes and wear pants.
When all of the fun has been had, grab a picnic basket and chow down. When you can move again, play four square and tether ball. Play freeze tag and Red Light, Green Light. Take frequent breaks to adjust your girdle.
Take a friend and go Speed Dating! Don’t forget the Dentyne!
A beer ,some good talk,plenty of laughs and then after a few beers ,play ,lets make a list that you want me to do for you and it has to be completed before next Valentines day.
Its even better than making a new Years day resoulation because more fun and of course you know a woman is going to keep score. Then exchange gifts and just have fun!
And on the eighth day he rested.
Took a nap, and overslept, actually — something about “caffiene withdrawal”, supposedly. Which probably explains the really weird dreams, something about being pursued by baby facehuggers from “Alien”, with minty-fresh breath… and dreaming that I woke up realizing I want one of those really cool shoulder-mounted pulse-rifles like the crab-faced guy in “Predator”, the one that would twitch around and aim exactly where the big alien was looking. Put a big laser pointer in place of the plasma-pellet loads, and you could have a tour-guide’s perfect “add-on” — you’d never ever have to say “look right over there, under that thingie with the green stuff wrapped around it”, ever again. And of course if your tour-group gets out of hand, a couple of plasma-pellet loads WOULD come in really handy for getting their attention… And I remember thinking that if the big alien’s visual-camouflage stealth-field were commercially available, Valentine’s Day (and restraining orders) would never be the same — then I woke up with minty-fresh breath, too. Thank you, Dentyne!