Stuff You Need to Know: Atlas Shrugged Gets Shrugged Off. Good.

Atlas Shrugged has fallen through, although Lionsgate is still interested after Angelina Jolie passed on Dagny. This is for the best. It can’t be made into a film. Sorry, but it can’t. Especially with a screenwriter who doesn’t even grasp the basic plot points of the book–not even talking philosophy, just, you know, events and timelines. Source.

We’ve asked before, hypothetically (allegedly), “How hard is it to rob a bank?” And now we must ask it again, because they’re auctioning off the historical bits owned by the late, great Forry Ackerman. “Ackerman’s will stipulates that his estate’s share of the profits be divided among his friends.” Well done, Forry. Source.

Apparently Amazon is offering free game trial downloads now…? And some real downloads for $9.99 and under? Also, speaking of Amazon, they have Wiis in stock. So if you were looking for one…well, they annoyingly won’t let me direct link–no idea what nonsense that’s about–but if you go to the front page of the Video Games section you’ll find them.

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Bloom County is getting the hardcover treatment from IDW. No pre-orders yet. It’s starting up in October. Source.

Michael Gambon has joined Book of Eli. Source.

The aforementioned Candy Land (yes, the movie based on the board game) has got a writer and director attached. I shit you not. Etan Cohen (Tropic Thunder) is scribing and Kevin Lima (Enchanted) is helming. I can’t wait for David Fincher’s Hungry Hungry Hippos. Source.

Les Claypool is producing a pinot noir? That’s all well and good, but would somebody please tell him to work on a new Oysterhead album? Thanks.

Jonathan Coulton just announced a new series of shows. So did Paul and Storm. Tell them we said hi.

The Cross is a sci-fi film with a really sparse explanation: “a man seeking to cross a mysterious border, something no one else has achieved.” It will star Orlando Bloom, Vincent Cassel (Brotherhood of the Wolf) and Olga Kurylenko (Quantum of Solace) and Andrew Niccol (Lord of War) will direct. Bloom is the guy, Cassel wants to stop him, Kurylenko is simply “the femme lede [sic].” It starts up in July.

Green Lantern has a new director in the works: Martin Campbell (Casino Royale). Does this mean it’s going to be a serious film? Because that would be an improvement over the last idea. Source.

High Moon comic badasses David Gallaher and Steve Ellis are at NY Comic-Con this weekend. Here’s their schedule. Tell them we said hi.

I didn’t know Nick Moran (Lock Stock) had turned into a director–his new movie, The Kid, has among its cast members Ioan Gruffudd and Natascha McElhone. I didn’t catch his first movie, Telstar–did you? Source.

Al Pacino is going to play King Lear on the big screen. I’m sold on it. Next. Source.

Kit Kat is stealing our schtick and doing it in a much more efficient way. Source.

Moneyball, the story of “Billy Beane, the general manager of the Oakland Athletics who used a sophisticated computer analysis system to piece together a team that regularly contended for the World Series despite a payroll dramatically lower than such big-market rivals as the New York Yankees”–and I quoted such a big piece because I know shit about baseball–has Steven Soderbergh in talks to direct with Brad Pitt thinking about starring and Steve Zaillian is attached to scribe it. Source.

Paranorman is a comedy involving stop motion zombies and will be produced by Henry Selick. io9 and I both agree: hell yes.

Revenge of the Green Dragons will get Doc’s attention: directed by Andrew Lau (Infernal Affairs) it’s “a fact-based drama about street gangs in New York’s Chinatown.” Production should start later this year. Artfire Films, which is involved, apparently just wrapped “an untitled George Romero thriller.” Is that the sixth Dead movie? Source.

Seibei aka David, purveyor of fine Zombie Hunter shirts, is going pro. Badass. Go give him love and tell em we said hi.

Sex and the City 2? Apparently so. Damn thing did make $400M worldwide, which might be why all of these other cancelled TV shows are suddenly making noise about going the feature film route. All four actresses are signed on board, apparently, so has the scribe/director. Source.

T-Shirt Hell is closing. I never did buy a shirt from them, but I am still sad to see them go. Source.

What are the Top Gear guys doing about The Stig’s supposed revealing? I believe it’s called firing off a bunch of chaff.

Some announced releases of note:

Beastie Boys: Paul’s Boutique, the 20th Anniversary Edition in multiple formats–available exclusively now on their official site; available everywhere February 10th. We’re giving it away on vinyl. ($14.99 on CD; $22.78 on Vinyl)

Follow That Bird, the 25th Anniversary Edition on March 24th ($13.99 pre-order price)

Princess Bride on Blu-Ray on March 17th–no pre-order available yet, stay tuned

Tale of Desperaux on DVD on April 7th ($16.99 pre-order price)

X-Men Trilogy on Blu-Ray on April 21st ($55.99 pre-order price)