Meth Coffee

Lisa Madigan, attorney general of Illinois, is apparently under the impression that coffee is a gateway drug. Or at least coffee that humorously depicts itself as a serious drug (which of course contains a drug: caffeine) is a gateway drug. Or…something. But apparently she’s said that Meth Coffee is not welcome in Illinois and thus, Meth Coffee has complied by no longer accepting orders from or shipping to Illinois.

Full disclosure: is an affiliate of Meth Coffee. This means when you click on the scary Meth Coffee guy down on the right hand side there and buy some, we get some kickbacks, just like with any other company we’ve got an affiliation with. We became an affiliate after we first reviewed the product, were impressed by its potency, and thought others would like it as well.

The folks behind Meth Coffee take this seriously, though (Madigan’s charges, not our affiliation), and have responded on their website:

Meth Coffee doesn’t glorify methamphetamines any more than Richard Pryor glorified cocaine. Meth Coffee glorifies coffee and the wonderful, legal, kick-in-the-pants it provides. Coffee is a drug, so what is wrong with taking the phrase, “I’m amped on caffeine” to an absurd level? That’s what comedians do. If you look at the coffee bag and the web site, you can see there is nothing flashy, sexy, or sane about methamphetamines. We depict a roller coaster ride of paranoia, fear, and insanity on our packaging. Where is the glamor? There is no enticement to do methamphetamines.

Which is why we like them so much, I guess. Because is basically a flume zoom of paranoia, fear and insanity.

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][ad#longpost]They also point out that some of their founders are former real-meth users and that they’re sponsoring a comedy tour that benefits recovery groups. They’re declaring $2 off each bag of Meth Coffee now through August 13th. And here’s another full disclosure–I think that Madigan’s so silly that I actually don’t get kickbacks when you click through this link. But I’m giving you the link anyway so you save the $2.

Personally I think that banning Meth Coffee because it might cause somebody to think that real meth is a good idea is a lot like the brainiacs who treat me like a criminal and make me give up my personal information to buy Advil Cold & Sinus. I live in Atlanta? Have you seen Atlanta when the pollen goes berserk? The streets are yellow, people. Worst part is my beautiful black car becomes…green.

Anyway, my point is this: this is dumb. I’m sure Illinois has better things to do with its time than grandstand against a specialty coffee roaster in San Francisco. And Madigan–I hate to bring this up–but Meth Coffee is relatively small potatoes (no offense to them) in the grand coffee scheme of things. You just got them a mention in the Chicago Sun-Times. You just got them banned. Do you know how much publicity you just gave them? “The coffee so strong it’s Banned in Illinois!” How much people in Illinois are going to want to try the Forbidden Coffee now that you’ve dictated to them what they can and can’t have? How much people elsewhere are going to want to try it just because the government thinks they’re too dumb to know the difference between coffee and meth and they want to show you a thing or two? Too late now. You ditz.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]