Stuff: Instant Generic Action Movie, Just Add Black Uniforms

Because some things you simply need to know. Here’s the day’s news in a quick digest form. Because a slow digest form would be just silly.

G.I. Joe is now G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, and there’s a teaser poster starring Duke here. Trouble is…unless the poster said “Duke” and “G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra,” wouldn’t this just look like Generic High-Tech Action Movie: Rise of Franchise? Blah, blah, blah, I know that the costumes A) don’t always translate well to screen and 2) probably are about as combat-worthy as going into battle wearing a burlap sack, but can’t we have something that calls back to the cartoon/toys/comic? Found via io9.

Have you been using iTunes to create weapons of mass destruction or run an iron lung or maintain a nuclear reactor or help airplanes land? Then cut that shit out.

Kung Fu Killer will see David Carradine and Daryl Hannah back on the screen together. Of course, it’s the small screen, it’s a miniseries, and it’s on Spike, but um…beyond that, it sounds great. It hits this August and while Carradine will probably kick ass (if the production team can keep him sober–allegedly), no word on how much asskicking Hannah will provide, as she’s playing a lounge singer and not a blonde sadistic cyclops.

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Michaela McManus from One Tree Hill will be the new ADA on Law & Order: SVU when the show returns in September. Dunno who that is? I didn’t either. This fansite will help you, I’m sure.

Portable Farms has the best tagline in recent memory: not only can you, according to them, grow fish and vegetables in a 6×8 foot space, but you save the atmosphere from unwanted bovine emissions, since “Fish Don’t Fart.” Neither do kangaroos. Rooburgers–food of the future. You heard it here first.

Prison Break‘s third season hits DVD and Blu-Ray from Fox on August 12th. The pre-orders are here for DVD and here for Blu-Ray. I’ll tell you, though, that prices seem steep to me. If you can wait, try and buy it used, I figure.

Here’s an important tip: when sending a letter out to retailers telling them you’ve won an injunction against a six-hour energy product (since you market a five-hour energy product and the other product looks awfully similar), make sure you specify which six-hour energy product retailers should pull. You can read the full article here if you want the maximum hilarity, but the gist is this: Company A issued a letter telling retailers to pull Company B’s product, Company C’s product could easily be confused as the one to be pulled and Company C had to issue their own letter to clarify Company A’s position, and Company C isn’t commenting on whether or not they’ll then sue Company A. Me, I just want to know why the 5-hour product has the picture of a guy running and the 6-hour has a picture of a guy hiking. Is that because he has an extra hour to get there and can take his time?