Starbucks Doubleshot Energy + Coffee, Mocha and Vanilla

Oh, Starbucks, what have you done? This is their new coffee energy beverage. I snagged both the mocha and the vanilla flavored variations. They sport guarana (90mg), ginseng (325mg) and B vitamins (200% of your B6 RDA and 100% of your B12 RDA). No word about how much caffeine on the can, but Energy Fiend (the authority on such matters), tells us that 225mg 146mg awaits you in each one.

Trouble is, they taste like ass.

How to describe the experience of trying to drink these things to you…

Let’s see: imagine you’ve tried to laminate the inside of your mouth and throat with a terrible plastic that tastes of sweet chemicals. Nay, not tried. Succeeded. You sip and you think surely, surely this can’t be right. And it’s not. Because when I say laminate, I mean you’re going to be stuck with this dreadful fake taste in your mouth for a while afterwards. Best of luck with that.

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][ad#longpost]Where is the problem, exactly? Well, looking at the ingredients list I can only assume it’s my archenemy, sucralose. Both flavors have it and as a result the things are pretty much undrinkable. The mocha variation is like somebody took their normal mocha frappacino drink and…well, added fake sugar. And the vanilla is overpowered by the fake sugar where I’m hard pressed to tell the difference between the two.

This is extraordinarily disappointing. If you could see inside those cans, you’d see they were almost completely full. I lasted three sips with one and two sips with the other, and long time readers know that I’ll torture my taste buds with almost anything if there’s buzz to be had. But these are going right down the drain. I’d call them vile but that would be an insult to vile things. Avoid them until they get real sugar or somebody figures out how to disguise the taste better.