Okay, so we mentioned previously that we were taking the long view of a Presidential candidate. Allow me to explain. Others are going for realistic candidates. Some endorse fanciful candidates. We figure that the line between government and entertainment has been blurred to the point where we need an entertaining candidate. Therefore, we’re ready to endorse, for the closest election we can get him legal…
“BECAUSE SOMETIMES, NOT MAKING SENSE JUST DOES”
No, we’re serious. He was born in New York City. That means he’s a citizen by birth. He’s over thirty-five. And the only sticking point is that he has to have been resident in the U.S. for fourteen years. Which means one of two things. Either he owns a residence stateside that we can try to use to sidestep that or…we get eighteen years to flog this for all the content it’s worth (four years for his stint as Mayor of London, then fourteen years here).
But we’re serious about the flogging part. We’ve snagged BorisJohnsonforPresident.org. So don’t bother us with petty details about legality and such. And don’t pester us about something as insignificant as reality. We’re not interested in that. Because we know Boris wouldn’t be either. We’re in this for the long haul.
For those unfamiliar with the glory that is Boris, we present his BAFTA-nominated performance as host of Have I Got News For You from 2003.
Thank you, and we appreciate your support as we move forward to victory.