Okay, the site translation is offline until I can figure out for certain one way or the other if that’s causing our issue with making the site database barf all over itself. That was the cause of the not-brief-enough outage earlier today. I’ve also gone in and optimized our database tables in the hope that maybe that will make everything behave. But the translation stays off until I can figure out WTF is giving us these rather spectacular craters in our server uptime. Thanks to everybody for their help.