For the purported birthday of Jesus, there is an awful lot of sin during Christmas. Greed and gluttony are the usual suspects with wrath and pride following close behind. But I would like to talk about my favorite sin: Lust. Seemingly neglected during the holiday season, it lurks under the covers with every purchase of lingerie and every lick of a candy cane. And there’s the fantasy of greeting Santa Claus with more than just milk and cookies. This naughty fetish is epitomized by the song Santa Baby where the singer wants St. Nick to hurry down her chimney but he better have some high ticket items for the privilege.
First, we have Ji-eun and how NOT to sing Santa Baby.
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No offense to the young lady but in a word, blah. To do the song properly, you need to put a lot more sizzle in your singing and bring out your inner diva in your performance. As an example of said divaness, we have the fabulous Eartha Kitt who originally recorded Santa Baby back in 1953.
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Cut to Christmas 2006 at the National Mall. Eartha Kitt is still getting Santa all hot and bothered with her silk stockings. With all the trashiness and criminality from our current crop of teen tramps and rehab whores we have nowadays, Miss Kitt is a breath of fresh air. Hot steamy air. That glass separating the First Couple from the stage? That isn’t to stop an attack, that’s to stop all the sexiness.
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For our age group, our first exposure to the diva concept is that porcine prima donna, Miss Piggy. Not surprisingly, she did a version of Santa Baby. Now what’s interesting about the video is it was done by a fan with a modified Miss Piggy muppet. I think it’s at par with what the Disney is putting out. Which is a little sad.
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Lastly, we have Aussie pop princess Kylie Minogue. She can be seen here giving a coquettish rendition of Santa Baby for Top of the Pops. Obviously not getting enough Christmas attention, she will be starring with David Tennant in the Doctor Who Christmas special, Voyage of the Damned. Obviously light jolly holiday programming.
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In closing, I’ll leave you with this joke. Santa comes down the chimney and finds a beautiful woman in sexy lingerie. When she breathlessly asks Santa to stay for a while, he says “Ho, ho, ho, I must go. Must deliver toys to all the girls and boys.” She starts a sexy strip tease and Santa repeats “Ho, ho, ho, I must go. Must deliver toys to all the girls and boys” like a mantra. Finally he looks down and says, “Hey, hey, hey, I must stay. Can’t get up the chimney this way.”
Merry Christmas everyone. Yes, I said Merry Christmas. Suck it up and move on.
