Honey, It Sounds Like the Raccoons Are in the Garbage Ag–AHHHH!! WHAT THE CHRIST?

First up, yes, that’s a real crab. A coconut crab, in fact. And yes, I know we’re late to the party on this one. This has gone to Neatorama and Ectoplasmosis, and everyone’s commented on eeep, what a big goddamn crab.

However. There’s one thing we haven’t seen anyone address: namely, what the fucking hell is it doing going through somebody’s garbage?

Here are a few of the theories we’ve come up with around the Needcoffee.com offices…

[ad#rightpost]1. The crab threw away its retainer by mistake and is trying to look for it.

2. The crab’s not actually going through the garbage, it is a stuffed coconut crab and somebody threw it away poorly. It’s hanging out the side of the garbage can as a result.

3. The crab is a perv and is seeking discarded underpants. (Scott’s)

4. The crab is a private investigator and is seeking tax records.

5. The crab is trying out for a part in the Dark Tower movie.

6. The crab is a freegan.

Update:

7. “This’ll teach that deadbeat Grouch never to default on a Coconut Crab loan” (from Ken)

We’re all about the context here.