Neatorama points us to some kickass antique (some real, some reproductions) phones for sale at Distinctive Telephones. We call them Miriam’s Dead phones, as a nod to a Dylan Moran routine.
But basically all you need to know is that they could only be used in hand to hand combat by a large ogre, since they’re so freaking heavy. Slamming the receiver down, though, is not only satisfying but a good upper body workout.
