There are certain things we all know, and in fact, the knowledge is so pervasive that we simply take it for granted. Obvious example: when going down to investigate the surface of a new planet, we should never wear the red shirt. Right?
But what should we avoid if one day we were to wake up and find ourselves in an anime romantic comedy?
1. Hot Springs. They always result in embarrassing, accidental exposure, and may also result in unwanted superpowers (like turning into a panda when you get doused in cold water) not to mention annoying introspection. If you are male, you can rest assured that you will absolutely get beaten up at least once. If you are a flying turtle, however, you may disregard this warning.
For further study: Ranma 1/2.
2. Extra fiancÃ©s and/or girlfriends. Oh, sure it sounds fun. In fact, it sounds like a male dream come true…but it won’t be. They usually result in hijinks at your expense and may very well cause you death, mutation, alien abduction, angry “step-mothers,” rivals wanting to beat you to a pulp, and way too much time in those dangerous hot springs. Or any selection of the above and in some rare cases, all of the above. It goes without saying that you should avoid being an extra fiancÃ©, as well; if you’re the second or subsequent fiancÃ©, you’ll never get the girl or boy of your dreams.
For further study: Love Hina.
3. Being the suave, attractive male. How can this possibly be a bad thing, you might well ask. Well, you’re not in Kansas anymore, buster. You’ll end up losing all the gorgeous girls to the goofy, homely guy who appeals to them because he’s amusingly hapless and harmless looking. There are a few exceptions (see below vid), but they’re only the exception that proves the rule, and in the end you usually find out that you are somehow clueless and hapless yourself.
The exception to the rule: Ouran High School Host Club.
4. Magical swords. Well, and magical potions. Oh, and amulets. And…actually, you know, just avoid all magic in general. The talismans, weapons, phoenix eggs, etc. will never, ever, ever work how you’re told they’ll work, and they’ll almost certainly come close to getting you killed, quite possibly once an episode over an entire season. At the very least, they’ll make an Amazon princess turn against you and try to kill you.
5. Aliens. Sure, some of them are hot babes and a few of them want to save the Earth, too. But the hot babes always come with baggage: curses, angry boyfriends, senates who want the princesses to come home and rule their planet, etc. Really, just trust me: it’s a bad scene. Just date the cute girl with glasses in your homeroom and save the super-powered hot chicks for the space pirates–especially if the super-powered hot chick is herself a space pirate (see below vid). Incidentally, this rule applies for goddesses and robots, too.
6. Oni. Perhaps avoiding demons goes without saying, but they do seem to crop up rather a lot. While in romantic comedies, it’s less likely they’ll try to devour your soul, they will, in fact, do much worse: they’ll try to steal your girlfriend, pull your pants down in public, possess innocent girls to turn them into fan service queens, and do other naughty things you would rather do without. Again, for some of you, you might think this would be fun to be involved in, but you think this at your peril.
For further study: Sailor Moon, which is stacked with demons.
7. Mad scientists. No matter how cute they may be (and they always are in romantic comedy anime), still avoid the crazy cute girl in the lab coat. She’ll just end up blowing up your house (even if it happens to be her house, too). She’ll also ruin your love life, try to take over your future, and probably mess up your sock drawer. You’re almost better off with magic. Almost.
For further study: Happy Lesson.
And that’s just to get you started. Basically, if you find yourself in a romantic comedy, just expect to be surprised in the bath, turned into a cat, fighting for your life against people you’ve never met but who have a blood feud against you, and so on. Really, you’re safer in action or horrorâ€”at least there you have scary houses and big guys with guns or fangs that you can easily spot and try to avoid.