The day is here, and I hope some of you listened and didn’t wind up doomed, like we’ve been warning about for some time now.
You might have wondered why the Technocave recently moved. We also moved the underwater headquarters of Needcoffee further back into Iowa Bay. We did so because it was obvious to anyone who was paying attention that this sort of thing coming was only a matter of time. We gave World War Z two Chazzies, not just because it was good but because it was good for you. Did you heed us? Probably not. We were touting Max Brooks’ zombie survival manual back in 2004, for God’s sake. Did you listen? Nah, you were too busy with your American Idol viewing. We even urged you to Join the League. And yes, some of you did. But there were countless other “entertaining” zombie posts that were supposed to have given you information. So.
Good thing I got back from New York last night.
Well, My Elves Are Different appears to be leading the charge on assessing information about the zombie uprising. TB, or a mutated form at least, appears to be to blame. (Personally, I would take that with a grain of salt–as we all know, with each major story about this epidemic, the reason will change–first a space probe, then hell having no more room, etc., you know the drill)
Anyway, for those of you who put together a good zombie plan and are awaiting the initial Flyboy-like freak-outs to fade so you can begin retaking the earth, worry not: we’re fine here. As we’ve stated for years, we’re the aforementioned underwater headquarters off the coast of Iowa. And as Doc is fond of saying, “Zombie Don’t Surf.” So we’re here, and we’re fine, and we’ll be posting updates on this crisis along with everything else going on. So if we hear anything worthwhile, we’ll yell.
For those of you who didn’t prepare, our advice is simple: if you have time, get the hell out of Dodge. Take as much food and weaponry as you can. If you can’t get out, get upstairs someplace where you can destroy or barricade the stairs. Stay as quiet as possible, because this appears to be a Romero-esque outbreak, so that means the zeds are slow and relatively dumb. At least until later, when they will obviously start learning. So kill them while they’re still dumb! Anyway, noise will attract them. Not sure how well smell works, but probably best to follow Kirkman’s idea from Walking Dead and get some zed “juice” and smear it around the entrances to your hideout. It might mask your harman stench. Here’s the most important thing: watch the people with you. If zombie movies have taught us anything, it’s that zombies don’t get people killed–people get people killed. Be patient, be watchful, don’t get greedy, and never go off anywhere alone.
Stay strong. Unless you’re weak. Then get eaten quickly, would you?