Directed by: David Nutter
Written by: Howard Gordon & Scott Michael Rosenberg
Starring: James Marsden, Katie Holmes, Nick Stahl, Bruce Greenwood, William Sadler
My Advice: Wait for MST3K.
Welcome to Cradle Bay, a nice little town that Steve (Marsden) and his family move to in order to get away from the past. There he meets goth girl couldhavebeen Rachel (Holmes), perennial outcast Gavin (Stahl) and a bunch of Blue Ribbons, the nice well-to-do overachievers who seem to run everything. However, the Blue Ribbons and the school guidance counselor Dr. Caldecott (Greenwood) have a sinister secret, one that will shake the pillars of heaven and bring hell to earth in the form of STEPFORD TEENS!
Jesus, what a piece of garbage. You’d think once I said “The Stepford Teens” you would know just how bad the film was going to be. No, believe me, it’s worse.
[ad#longpost]The plot is handled with such tired enthusiasm that it makes The Faculty look like Oscarworthy filmmaking. Nothing makes sense. One example: A character knows that they’re “coming for him.” For most of the first part of the movie, he’s figured out they’re “coming for him.” Here’s a clue, faithful reader, if you ever find yourself in a town full of zombie teens after your soul — just freaking leave town. What a concept, huh? Run for it. Get out. Skedaddle. I mean it’s not like you, as well as the rest of the audience, didn’t see the entire storyline coming weeks in advance. Other plot devices such as The Solution to Our Problems, The Misunderstood Girl Who’s The Love Interest, and The Scary Face at the Window (all registered trademarks) scream at you when they’re introduced. Ripoffs of Romero‘s Dead Films, Adrian Lyne’s Jacob’s Ladder, and any Body Snatch-esque movie you’ve ever seen all abound. Only good movies do homages, bad films execute ripoffs.
It’s like the makers of this film were so desperate to get a film together that they went to a horror paint-by-numbers book to get everything they needed. The end result is an uninteresting, bland and insipid film that not even great characgter actor William Sadler could save. Sad.
- Click here to buy it on DVD from Amazon. If you must.
