Why Scooby-Doo? You have to ask that question?  Okay, fine.  Because every other show in history is being turned into a movie, then why not this one?  In fact, it's in the works somewhere over there in Movie Rumorland.  And let's face it--kids of all ages would love to see a live-action Scooby flick.  Come on--admit it!

What's the scoop?  We'll discuss it a bit more in depth as we go through the steps below, but consider this--what are Scooby and the gang up to now?  How have they adapted to life in the 90's?  Where the hell is the Mystery Machine now?  Well, we figure they either ran out of cases, got sick of driving all over the world in the same clothes, or something.  They've gotten on with their lives.  But now--the word goes out that something from their very first case has resurfaced--the Black Knight is back.

Why didn't you cast Scrappy-Doo?  If you have to ask this question, get the hell off my site and never come back.

Directed by Ron Howard:  Okay, we had a couple of bizarre thoughts to begin with.  Imagine this film directed by David Fincher.  I don't think David could lighten up enough to pull it off myself, not with the tone we want.  Now imagine this film directed by David Lynch.  Okay, stop imagining it now--you'll hurt yourself.  Another thought was Penny Marshall, but we finally decided on Mr. Howard, who would be sure to bring us the spirit we're looking for--a grown-up Scooby movie that still has that fanciful feel to it.

Music by Danny Elfman:  This man's workload is immense!  But hey, he would give the right whacked-out spin to the music of the original series.  Surely you could spare us a bit of time to work on this, Mr. Elfman?  Go get his Darkened Theatre album and see if you don't agree he would rock on this film.

Brad Pitt as Shaggy:  Okay.  You might think we're nuts on this one, but trust me.  What's happened to Shaggy since he's left the gang?  Well, Scoob's with him of course.  He got rich by inadvertently inventing some revolutionary something that has something to do with surfboards.  He is President and CEO of Shagcorp.  So he's loaded.  But everyday he goes home, gets out of his suit and puts on his classic outfit to hang out with the Scoobmeister in their apartment.  He gets the word somehow that one of his investments (I was thinking an amusement park, but fill in the blank) is threatened by none other than the Black Knight!  Not only is the park in trouble, but so's Shag cause he's considered a suspect--the authorities think he might be sabotaging his own investment for insurance purposes!  He realizes he needs backup, so he has to get the gang back together.  The Mystery Machine is in the garage downstairs, he's had it all this time--he grabs Scooby and away they go.

Dave Coulier as Scooby-Doo's voice:  Okay, Scoob's body is pure CGI.  And a la MIB, all the cast members accept the fact there's a CGI dog with them without question.  They're used to it, and so is everyone else.  Now, the original man behind the dog, so to speak, was Don Messick, and Don passed away in October of 97 of a stroke.  We would have loved to have had Don on board for this opus, but it's not to be.  Instead, we call upon our backup Scoob, Dave Coulier, who got his start with an audition tape of him doing the Doo.  He'll be a good Scoob and I'm sure Don would be proud.

Janeane Garofalo as Velma:  The first member of the old gang Scoob and Shag go to for help is Velma.  She stuck with them long after Fred and Daphne parted ways with them, and she stayed in the business.  She's a private eye/bounty hunter, and she packs a piece.  She's got contacts now, so don't expect that losing glasses crap to work on her anymore!

Updated 12/15:  Well, originally we had Rosie O'Donnell down as Velma, but Alan King showed us the error of our ways.  Janeane Garofalo is a better choice for the role.  Besides, considering Rosie's recent political insanity, I'm sure she wouldn't want to work with a gun, fake or not.

Julia Roberts as Daphne:  Daphne grew out of that ditzy stage, and now she works for the DA's office as a successful attorney on the fastpath to the top.  She's next on the list, and she takes some convincing from Velma, Shag and Scoob to take some of her saved up comp time and go on one last case.

Tim Daly as Fred:  Fred now owns the malt/ice cream shop.  He doesn't take much convincing to come along on the adventure because Daphne's there, and he's been kicking himself for years as to why he didn't make a move toward Daphne at some point during the time they were together.  Hell, they always split off from the rest of the group, you always wondered what they were up to, right?  Nope, Fred was always a perfect gentleman, but Daphne's also wondering why he never tried anything...

Christopher Walken, Gary Oldman, Alan Rickman, James Earl Jones and Sigourney Weaver as The Suspects:  Who the hell are these guys supposed to be?  Well, it's like this.  Somebody's got to be the Black Knight, right?  And somebody's got to speak the line "And I would've gotten away with it too, if it hadn't for those meddling kids and that dog!"  Okay, you know and I know that it would be cool as hell to hear James say it, but that might not happen.  In addition to Shaggy, you've got to have other suspects--and we wanted to have some the greatest villain character actors of our day involved so that once you look at the lineup (these five and then Shaggy) it's almost crazy to try to figure out whodunit because they all look guilty as hell.  I just gave them bogus names up top in the cast list, call them anything you want and give them jobs, you know, like Mr. VanBruen, the amusement park director.  We think they'd have a ball playing parody versions of their own villainous alter egos.  So which one did it?  I dunno--you'll just have to hire us to write the screenplay and find out.  Heh.